Stop and Back Away from the List

I don’t know about your family, but in my family when we have a get together whether it’s a holiday meal or not, there is a list to be made. A list of the food that we want to serve, a grocery list of what we need to buy and a check-off list to make sure everything is on the table. These lists can serve to be very beneficial to the person who is doing the grocery shopping and cooking the food. The person doing the cooking can at anytime make changes to the said list, without prior notice.

Now, my family is small. And when I say small, it’s just my parents, my husband and I. So there aren’t many people who are affected by these lists. Ever since I can remember, my Mom has always made a list of any food that was served, what occasion it was (Easter, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, etc) and who all attended, what we drank and what desserts we had. It doesn’t matter who is doing the cooking, my Mom will be making a list. She doesn’t cook anymore, but she makes the list. She doesn’t make the grocery list, just writes down what we are having.

When a dinner involving my Mom is going to happen, she has to go over the menu and go over it and go over it, make a list and talk about it, ask questions, lots of questions, all the time. I'm like "fuuu----k!" That's too much shit. I don’t need all this mental preparation. She will ask me what she is to bring and we go over that too. Not once, but several times. I even tried to say, “This is what I'm cooking. This is what you're bringing. It’s done. It's over”. To keep my stress level down, I came up with the perfect idea – I will cook everything! She doesn’t have to worry her pretty little head over anything. All you have to do is show up. I’ll do it all. So over the last several years, when she would ask what she could bring, I say "just yourself". Guess what? It didn’t work! That didn’t stop her from making a list of the shit I'M making and we have to go over that f----king list as well. A time or two I have said what we were having, then changed it only to hear “Well I don’t have that on the list”. Ugh! By the time this meal is over, I am ready for a margarita! Not one, but a pitcher full!

Each little detail about that meal will forever be recorded on a little piece of paper and tucked away, to be pulled out at some random time to remind you of what you ate and who was there. Yet there is nothing on this little piece of paper, mentioning who pissed me off by making a list, if the food was good, did anyone get sick from eating too much, were there any leftovers? You get the gist of it. Do I care that in 1992, my ex-husband was there and this is what we ate? Especially if I am married to someone different now? Nooooooooo!

I do make a list of the foods I would like to have and then I make my grocery list from that. And as I’m setting the table and putting the food on the table, I check my list to make sure I have everything out and that something hasn’t been forgotten. Oh, and my Mom will ask if I am going to take a picture of the table with all the food on it. Why is that necessary? I would much rather have photos of everyone around the table enjoying the food. Thirty years of food photos that doesn’t even remotely look appetizing is not my thing.

So, in the whole scheme of things, this is my Mom’s thing. It still drives me crazy and it won’t be long before I say “we are eating out!” These lists are something she wants to look back on (for whatever reason), but I don’t see the point. In the end, no feelings hurt. We can agree to disagree. All that matters is that we have a good time, eat a wonderful meal and enjoy being together. So tell me, where does the list fit in all that??