Project Runway Worthy?

This past winter, we were fortunate to get a few snows our way. Living in the south, we don’t see much of the white stuff. This one snow day, a lot fell. It brought people out all over the city building snow men in their yards and having snow ball fights. The family that lives across the street from me have a couple daughters, who were very creative in the fashion accessories they used for their snow man. Of course by the time I even thought about taking a photo of the snow man, he was looking quite misshapen and the snow was almost gone.

The snow man (or woman) is adorned with a Little Mermaid bucket for a hat and the handle is used for a chin strap. The eyes are gold Christmas tree ornaments. The scarf consists of gold and green tree garland. It's wearing a red sweater held on by a curtain rod and well, 2 green balls at the base. Not sure what those are for LOL Do I dare guess? Isn't it fun to see how creative kids can be?

Feeding Tim

When Tim and I were dating, we made a list of the foods he likes. I wanted to make sure my man had a happy stomach! After we married, I realized more and more what a food freak he is! Of course this was mentioned in front of his mother, who said “I’m to blame for that. He eats just like I do”. Yeah, that’s not something to be proud. My husband’s taste for foods was very limited. Growing up, my parents introduced me to all foods. I have a short list of things I do not like. For the most part, I like all kinds of food, all cuisines. There is nothing I won’t try, at least once.

My husband never ate an orange until he was in his 40’s. I stood there watching as his face turned green and he looked like he was about to throw up. Really? A friend of ours invited us to dinner. They had baked chicken and then a couple side dishes. Tim picked around the chicken. When I questioned why, he said he doesn’t eat anything with green specks on it. What?? Green specks? You mean because the seasoning has green specks, you won’t eat the chicken? Really? I was embarrassed. Another time we went to Shoney’s. Everyone loves Shoney’s! Tim ordered a plain burger and fries. The waitress said the lettuce, tomato and onion would be on the side. When the food arrived, the veggies were on the side. BUT, all the fries that had been touched by the veggies, he would not eat. Really? Once I made homemade spaghetti sauce. I was so proud. I had never done this before. It cooked all day. I sampled it from time to time as it cooked. I wanted it to be perfect! Dinner time came. I made a plate and sat down. I look over at the kitchen, and Tim is standing at the stove picking through the spaghetti sauce and taking out all the stuff he doesn’t like. Finally, he sits down…with a plate full of plain noodles. No sauce. Really? My feelings were hurt. Yet again, we told his Mom about this who responded with “I don’t know why your feelings were hurt. You know how he is. This shouldn’t surprise you”. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ruined your son – let’s talk about what a great accomplishment that was for you! Then on another occasion, I made some Kool-Aid. It was blue and I’m not sure the flavor – it was one of those mystery flavors. Tim wouldn’t drink it, saying he didn’t drink blue stuff. Really? It’s Kool-Ade for pete sakes! The first time I made a meatloaf, he took one bite and ate no more. He said “it tastes funny”. Yeah you freak, it’s called F-L-A-V-O-R!! Oh yeah, I almost forgot this one! The first time I cooked a roast for him, I used a packet of Lipton Onion Soup Mix. After he made his plate he stood in the kitchen trying to pick off the little pieces of freakin onions! Really? You have THAT much time? Get over yourself dude! Ok, one more story. We met a friend of ours at the Olive Garden. We pondered over the menu because everything looked so good, we couldn’t make up our minds. We order. Then Tim orders. What does Tim get? A plate full of plain noodles. Why? Because he was afraid to try their spaghetti sauce because he didn’t know what they put in it. O.M.G!

During the holidays, when families get together for all the yummy food and baked goods, guess what my Tim eats? Ham or turkey, green beans and rolls. My Mom won’t have us over to eat dinner at their house because she said she is not going to change her style of cooking for Tim. And she’s not going to have her feelings hurt when he doesn’t eat or picks through his food.

This is the extent of Tim’s food chart. He won’t eat anything that has onions in it, garlic, whole tomatoes or tomato parts he can see, tuna, green or red specks, green peppers or any kind of pepper, no veggies that are of a salad content, no broccoli. He won’t eat Mexican or Chinese. No mushrooms, sour cream or cream cheese. No cream of mushroom soup. The only cheese he will eat is cheddar or mozzarella on a pizza. He will only eat meat pizza’s. No seafood other than catfish. He will not eat fruit other than a banana or an occasional apple. He will not eat casseroles because he can’t dissect the ingredients. No omelets. And he doesn’t use syrup. Anything that requires syrup, he eats plain. Oh and desserts…he only eats chocolate pies or banana pudding. Wow, this is making my head hurt!

The other day, we went to McDonalds. I placed our order and also bought a couple apple pies. I asked Tim if he liked apple pies. He said he didn’t know that he had never eaten apple pie. When I offered it to him, he refused. Upon my urging him to try it, “he liked it - hey Mikey!” Did I mention that my husband is 44 yrs old? It’s all in his head.

Tim and I have gone round and round on this subject. I am a good cook. I wouldn’t serve anything to him that he wouldn’t like. His dislike for certain foods is all in his head. I know this because most of the stuff he says he doesn’t like, he has never eaten before. So I have learned to either:

                1. Disguise my ingredients
                2. Say fark it, if he doesn’t like it, too bad so sad!
                3. You eat what I cook or cook for yourself.

There comes a time when the hurt goes away and you’re tired of constantly bitching over the subject of food. So I cook for me. I am a good cook and he can’t appreciate it because “he was taught to eat like his Mom does”. Again, not something to be proud of. I don’t run a catering business nor am I a short order cook. If you want it your way, fix it yourself or go to Mom’s. I don’t see that happening because he says I’m a better cook than she is. Maybe he does appreciate my cooking after all!

Did I mention he is 44 yrs old? And yes, I do love my husband very much. When it comes down to my mental health or his stomach. My mental health will win every time!

Walgreens and the Caveman

They always say there's a first time for everything, and that is so true. Sometimes those first times happen in unlikely places and at the most inopportune times. But, we just keep on going right? It's one of those little mystical moments in life that keep it interesting. So let me tell you about my moment.

One day last year after I got off work I stopped by our local Walgreen's. I walked to the pharmacy and people are waiting to get their meds. They have these chairs lining the walls and some that make an "L" shape for customers who are waiting. I took my place in line. I'm standing there in my own little world, fidgeting, but at the same time thinking I look cute. I'm moving my legs around, again fidgeting, when this man walks up to this lady who is ahead of me and hands her something. The only way I can describe this man is think a caveman wearing a tie-dyed shirt and blue jean shorts. His hair was long and all over the place. He wasn't standing there long before he walked off. I continue my little "leg dance" and this time putting a little booty into it, because I'm so ready to get out of the store.

I spot the monitor behind the counter, taping my every move. We know it’s there, we see ourselves on screen, yet we do silly things just to see if it’s us. I’m no different. I'm watching myself in the monitor, again thinking I look cute and still fidgeting. I hear something. Someone is behind me whispering. "Ma'am". "Ma'am". "Ma'am!" I'm thinking I hope no one is trying to get my attention. Surely they aren't talking to me. It's kinda like when you are walking down a street and someone honks. You don't want to look nor acknowledge you heard anything. I turn around to see caveman sitting there with another woman who is waiting for her meds.

Caveman waves for me to come over to him because he "needs to tell me something". I know I looked confused because I didn't know caveman and he couldn't possibly have anything to say to me. Again he says, "I need to tell you something" and continues to motion me over to him". I stood there becoming annoyed at his persistence and I replied, "no you don't". Caveman gets up, walks over to me and whispers something in my ear. I reach behind me and all I could do was bust out laughing! Laughing so hard I almost pee'd a little!

I thanked caveman, still laughing and turned around. Behind me, I could hear him talking to the other lady sitting there. He said "I would want someone to tell me if it happened to me" and she agreed. Finally, it was my turn in line. I paid for my meds and headed for the door. As I'm walking out the door, a "hooptie" car slowly passes by and honks. I look. Caveman is driving past me and waves hard at me. As if he had just accomplished a great task and wanted me to know, once again "he had something to tell me". I start laughing and wave back.

I arrive home and not long after, my husband comes home. I told him the story of my little adventure at Walgreen's and my interaction with caveman. And then it happens. My husband was laughing so hard, he couldn't breathe. And because he was laughing, it made me laugh uncontrollably, and again, I pee'd a little.

So to let you in on what caveman said to me, look below.