The Butterfly Dance

On more than one occasion I have been sitting on the interstate for whatever reason, and two butterflies will come dancing by in my view. They have no care in the world. They are flying and playing together happily. They are amazing little creatures to watch. Beautiful and graceful. It never occurs to them that they could get hit as they bounce in the lanes where normally vehicles and trucks would be roaring down the road. How nice it would be to bounce through life without a care. And to live life, no matter what situation you are in, as if the next moment were to never come.

On my way home from work one afternoon, I saw this ginormous yellow butterfly. It seems like they travel in pairs. These two were dancing all over the place. I don’t live very far from the first point I first saw them. I watched as they made it to my house and then no more. I never saw them again. I don't know where they went, but wherever it was, they were together & happy.

We could all learn something from this. You can't take life so seriously and be so blind that you miss the little things around you. God places his creations within our view for a reason. There is beauty every where! One day I asked my co-worker if she saw the sky on her way to work and how beautiful the colors were. She responded, "I was in a hurry, I didn't have time to see anything". Open your eyes and let your soul see past all the layers. This life goes fast enough. Slow down, watch & listen. I'm thankful that I pay attention to all the little things. Life is much sweeter when you do =)

Karla Strader vs. Kim Kardashian's Engagement Ring

In the June 27^th issue of People magazine (Mail Bag page 8), Karla Strader voiced her opinion through email about Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but do I sense a little jealousy here? For those of you who didn’t see the write up in People Magazine, here it is:  

“Kim and Kris are a darling couple, and I know they’ve donated time and money to good causes in the past. But it was appalling to read about the ridiculous size and cost of Kim’s ring. When so many people are suffering on account of hunger, floods and tornados, to invest that much money in a ring is mind-boggling. I’d love to see them trade that huge rock in for something smaller and then give the extra money to charity” – Karla Strader

Well, no one asked for my opinion, but I’m going to give it. Just because you have money, it’s your birthright, you’re a celebrity, CEO, or whatever, doesn’t mean you should always have to donate money to a cause or charity. Kim’s Fiancé, Kris Humphries, earned that money and he can spend it anyway he chooses. If he wants to spend a million dollars buying a jock strap that’s personalized, then more power to him. Who am I to voice my opinion on how HE spends HIS money that HE earned? It’s customary for the man to spend at least two months’ salary on the engagement ring. Some may elect to spend more, some less. Some may want to look on eBay or see what kind of deal they can get for their money at a pawn shop or wait for a sale at their local jewelry store. It’s their choice.

I appreciate Karla looking out for “all the suffering people”, but has she donated her money to them? Has she ever asked a man to return an item he bought her and use that money to go to “all the suffering people”? Has she done without a hair color and mani-pedi in the name of “all the suffering people”? Could she have sold her front row tickets to Brad Paisley and Blake Shelton and given the money to “all the suffering people” that she bragged about on Facebook? One June 21^st, Karla’s Facebook post stated “Heading off to Peru and Columbia this trip,haven't been to either one of them before so I hope I have time to see some thing. Check out page 8 in the June 27 issue of People magazine and look for my name!!”.  Looks to me she was only trying to get her name in a magazine. Apparently she has a job that affords her to travel.

Regardless of how much or how little you make or how generous you are with showing your eternal love for someone, there will always be “suffering people”. Here, there and yonder, this world is full of people who need help. Hey Karla, will you sell your car to help the animal shelters provide food and better care for the animals? I appreciate the message you are trying to make. But Geez, why did you feel it necessary to crap on someone’s big day just because someone can afford more? Would the situation have been different IF the ring’s value wasn’t put out there for everyone to know? Would it have been different if the happy couple hadn’t been on the cover of this magazine telling everyone their news? They could have kept it private, but then you would never have got your name in the magazine.

I personally could care less how much the ring costs. Yes, it’s a gorgeous ring and it looks beautiful on her. Kim and Kris do make a lovely couple. I’m happy for them and wish them a lifetime of endless love. It’s a shame the energy Karla used to write the little article couldn’t have been better spent somewhere else…like on “all the suffering people”.

Bottom of Form

A Little Perspective and a Pitcher of Margaritas

I was having a conversation with my friend Karen the other day and I was telling her how bad I have always hated living in the south. It’s just too damn hot here. It seems the only time I really love living here is in the fall and winter months. I do not like the humidity and heat of the summer months. When it’s so hot outside you can’t breathe and even the shade doesn’t provide much comfort. Why do I always subject myself to this? Every summer it seems to be getting hotter and hotter. And every summer I bitch about how hot it is and I always say to my Mom, “tell me again why we live in the south?” 

I expressed to Karen the only reason I stay here is because of my parents. They are both in their 80’s and I’m the only child. I am still needed in some small way, to help them when they need it, run errands, or even to visit. If it wasn’t for my parents, I would move to some place I could call my Utopia that had the most pleasant weather all year round. I love snow, but I don’t want to live in Alaska. So where is my Utopia? I want some place with no humidity and the summer months don’t get above 80 degrees. Is that too much to ask for? I can get a job anywhere doing anything. So up and leaving everything I know isn’t a big deal or a problem for me. We don’t have children so there is nothing keeping us here…except for my parents. Tim and I both love traveling, meeting new people and seeing new places. We would not have a problem at all adjusting.

I received this email from Karen the next morning:

I thought this morning about what you said about ties and feeling stuck in Memphis and such. It's the grass is greener situation sometimes. You have family and are surrounded by love (and a little nuttiness - ha) and have ties and stability and those are all really nice things. Sorta warm and fuzzy looking in from this vantage point. So, while being more free might seem out of reach, you sort of have the best of both worlds. Vacations and yet, a stable "home". Job well done.

Karen has a way of putting things in perspective for me. Helping me to see there is another side to ponder. Having our little family (my parents and Tim) and familiar territory and people are huge. Maybe we could just settle for spending our vacation time at the places we would like to live – just visit different states. By the time we are retirement age, we will already know where we would like to purchase our summer home. Being young, I always thought it was weird how the “old people” would travel back and forth through the seasons. Now I realize they knew what they were doing! One of these days, I am going to be one of those “old people” traveling between homes. My Grandmother was from NY, where the winter months could be brutal on the old folk (and young too). I remember my Grandmother and her husband leaving NY in early fall headed to Texas for the winter. When spring time rolled around, they would leave and head back to NY. I am so going to be one of those people!! Only my plan will be reversed – during the summer months I will leave the South for a more desirable climate. Once winter hits, I will return to the south. Yeah, sounds like a wonderful plan!!

So in the mean time, I guess I just need to get a pool to cool my hot ass off in the summer. Now that’s not a bad idea! A cool place to chill out in with a pitcher of margaritas would be so nice. So thank you Karen, for helping me see where I need to be…for now. Cheers!

Stop and Back Away from the List

I don’t know about your family, but in my family when we have a get together whether it’s a holiday meal or not, there is a list to be made. A list of the food that we want to serve, a grocery list of what we need to buy and a check-off list to make sure everything is on the table. These lists can serve to be very beneficial to the person who is doing the grocery shopping and cooking the food. The person doing the cooking can at anytime make changes to the said list, without prior notice.

Now, my family is small. And when I say small, it’s just my parents, my husband and I. So there aren’t many people who are affected by these lists. Ever since I can remember, my Mom has always made a list of any food that was served, what occasion it was (Easter, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, etc) and who all attended, what we drank and what desserts we had. It doesn’t matter who is doing the cooking, my Mom will be making a list. She doesn’t cook anymore, but she makes the list. She doesn’t make the grocery list, just writes down what we are having.

When a dinner involving my Mom is going to happen, she has to go over the menu and go over it and go over it, make a list and talk about it, ask questions, lots of questions, all the time. I'm like "fuuu----k!" That's too much shit. I don’t need all this mental preparation. She will ask me what she is to bring and we go over that too. Not once, but several times. I even tried to say, “This is what I'm cooking. This is what you're bringing. It’s done. It's over”. To keep my stress level down, I came up with the perfect idea – I will cook everything! She doesn’t have to worry her pretty little head over anything. All you have to do is show up. I’ll do it all. So over the last several years, when she would ask what she could bring, I say "just yourself". Guess what? It didn’t work! That didn’t stop her from making a list of the shit I'M making and we have to go over that f----king list as well. A time or two I have said what we were having, then changed it only to hear “Well I don’t have that on the list”. Ugh! By the time this meal is over, I am ready for a margarita! Not one, but a pitcher full!

Each little detail about that meal will forever be recorded on a little piece of paper and tucked away, to be pulled out at some random time to remind you of what you ate and who was there. Yet there is nothing on this little piece of paper, mentioning who pissed me off by making a list, if the food was good, did anyone get sick from eating too much, were there any leftovers? You get the gist of it. Do I care that in 1992, my ex-husband was there and this is what we ate? Especially if I am married to someone different now? Nooooooooo!

I do make a list of the foods I would like to have and then I make my grocery list from that. And as I’m setting the table and putting the food on the table, I check my list to make sure I have everything out and that something hasn’t been forgotten. Oh, and my Mom will ask if I am going to take a picture of the table with all the food on it. Why is that necessary? I would much rather have photos of everyone around the table enjoying the food. Thirty years of food photos that doesn’t even remotely look appetizing is not my thing.

So, in the whole scheme of things, this is my Mom’s thing. It still drives me crazy and it won’t be long before I say “we are eating out!” These lists are something she wants to look back on (for whatever reason), but I don’t see the point. In the end, no feelings hurt. We can agree to disagree. All that matters is that we have a good time, eat a wonderful meal and enjoy being together. So tell me, where does the list fit in all that??

Business Card Billing

We had a really bad storm blow through here the end of April. We had some minor damage to our home from a large group of shingles that still had the roofing nails attached. My neighbor also had a large bunch land in her yard. Both sets of shingles hit our house. I called a repair company and the owner came out to give me an estimate. I asked him how we would pay since my husband and I would both be at work when they completed the repair. The owner said he would send me a bill. On May 3^rd, I called the siding repair guy to confirm if he was coming out because we had another storm that hit again the day before. He assured me he would be out. When I returned home from work, I found a business card on our front door, so I threw it on the desk and forgot about it.

All month long I’m waiting on a bill to come in the mail, like most companies would send if the say “we will send you a bill”. I never received anything. Today I’m going through mail, getting things ready to file, sorting, throwing way and I run across this business card. I set it to the side so I could file it with the rest of the business cards I have, should I need it in the future. During this entire desk cleaning, the business card got turned over and on the back was written “Please remit $100.00 to address on front”. Who does this?? I’m thinking I would be receiving something by mail along with a statement of what repairs were made and I had the redneck method all along. Wow, who needs a bookkeeper when you have business cards?! Does he stop by each month and throw another business card on your door should he not receive your payment? I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t want to file this on my home owners insurance.

I appreciate the work this man did, even though he didn’t do some of it as agreed. And that part was so minor, but it was the fact he didn’t honor his word. If he had someone else come out in his place, he should have passed the word along to the guy who did do it. Granted he didn’t charge much. For any services your hire, you expect them to do it to the best of their ability. I would definitely use them again. Next time I will make sure I was here to inspect the work when it was completed.

As I was addressing the envelope to mail my payment, I started thinking that maybe my method of sending a payment should be through my front door. If I placed the envelope on my front door, would it magically appear at the address written on the front?

Some Things Must Come to an End

On May 23, 2011, I made the decision to end a lifelong friendship. The two of us first met when we were in Brownies. Although I don’t have memory of this, she has always said she sat on my Mom’s lap and learned to knit. Years later we went to middle school and high school together. We were always together doing sleepovers, going to the mall, riding the streets in her Mom’s car, going the movies and the all famous going to the skating rink. Since we graduated from high school 20 + years ago, we maintained a friendship through college, marriages, divorces and just life in general. It wasn’t until 1996 my Mom told me my friend wasn’t the friend I thought she was. My friend, my best friend, had been telling my Mom AND our mutual friends EVERYTHING about me, what I was doing, and personal details of my marriage or about my husband at the time…everything! My Mom said my friend couldn’t wait to pick up the phone and tell her the intimate details of my life. Details that are only shared with your best friend, not your Mom. After some time, I forgave her. I didn’t understand why she did what she did and I still don’t. She betrayed me and crossed the line, but I forgave her.

Years later, here we are. Last 4^th of July my friend invited my husband and I to her parents home for the weekend on the lake. She invited a guy she met on Facebook, who we also went to high school with. I was excited at the possibility of a new relationship for her. They hit it off right away and we all got along so well. After a few months of them dating, my friend promoted a friendship with her boyfriend. He and I began texting and calling each other. Our communication wasn’t every day, but maybe a couple times a week. The more we got to know each other, we felt comfortable talking about my friend, his girlfriend. Sometimes he needed to vent or just wanted to tell me about an argument they got into over the weekend. Sometimes we didn’t talk about her at all. I trusted him and I believe he trusted me. He would share intimate details about their relationship and he would talk ugly about her. When I hit a rough patch with my friend and I felt like I was losing her friendship, it was my turn to vent to her boyfriend. I told him things about her I shouldn’t have. Private things. Situations. I expressed my opinions to him about how I was feeling at that moment. We all say things we shouldn’t because we are hurt or we perceive things to be one way.

My friend and I eventually talked and got back on track. From that point on I decided not to talk about her to her boyfriend and I limited my interactions with him to a minimum. When he would say ugly things about her or things she did that bothered him, I would just tell him he needed to talk to her about it. I wanted to work on my friendship with her. She began confiding to me about some issues she was having with him and I felt it was time to come clean. I told her everything her boyfriend and I had discussed. Big Mistake! BIG! At first she said he would never know what we talked about. I was concerned about losing him as a friend and hurting him and I knew if she told him that would be the end of the friendship. The next day, she told me she wanted to talk to him about it. What could I say? I had dumped all this information in her lap and I was to tell her not to do that? After she talked to him, all hell broke loose. I had already told her the content of my conversations with her boyfriend before she talked to him. I didn’t want her to hear it from him for the first time. Even after she confronted him, he was still lying to her. She felt betrayed by both of us. She was deeply hurt, humiliated and said she felt like scum. Her boyfriend and I BOTH crossed the line in our conversations. We BOTH betrayed her. We BOTH said things about her that weren’t in a kind way. We BOTH were the cause of the pain she was now feeling.

Over the weekend, I had the feeling she was going to work things out with him. Because he now hated me, I knew I could no longer be friends with her if she stayed with him. After all she found out, she wanted to stay with him. I sent her a message and she said they were going to try and work these problems out. I took the moment I had to again apologize for my part in what happened. I told her I was removing myself from her life that way I would not hurt her ever again. I thanked her for her friendship all these years and said I hoped in years to come, she could silently forgive me. That was so hard for me to do. We were like sisters. She was hurting and feeling so bad and I ended my friendship with her. There was nothing else I could say. I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better or change anything. Only time could do that. I felt everything that happened was my fault and the only thing I could do was to leave her life. It’s been a week now and I do miss her. But like everything in life, time will take care of that. This was a hard life lesson I learned. I know what I did wrong. I understand the mistakes I made. I can only be responsible for my actions. I have to be accountable. Leaving her life isn’t something I wanted to do; it’s something I had to do.

My dear friend Karen wrote in her blog about this very subject and after I read it, I was like “That’s me! That’s how I see it as well!” The way Karen expressed her words, is exactly the point I’m trying to make here. Karen’s point of view makes it much easier to move on. To read Karen’s blog in its entirety, click the link  http://www.karenrutherford.com/journal/2007/2/12/endings.html. This is an excerpt from Karen’s blog:

            “God removes people from our lives so he can carry out His plan for us. It is actually an act of mercy, because He only

wants the best for us. It could be that He wants to force us to lean on Him alone. It could be that He knows that certain people will be a hindrance to our future journey. God places people in our lives for a reason and a season. Maybe they have already served their purpose.

                  And God removes people and replaces them with new people, but according to His time and plan. He understands and allows a bit of time for us to grieve and adjust. But He expects us to have faith in Him. He knows best and we need to replace the grief with trust in Him.

                  So, the only message I should need is this understanding that the friendship served a wonderful purpose, its ending is for my good, and that what is to come will be better for me”.

I’m sorry to say I played a hand in the demise of this friendship. Well, actually two friendships. I learned a valuable lesson from this, a little too late unfortunately. One thing I learned is that you could be friends with someone all your life, but you never really know and understand someone, until the friendship hits turbulence. If I could undo everything that happened, I would. I thought I would always be a valuable person in my friend’s life. Or was I just wishing that? I felt up to that point, I was a faithful and true friend to her. When I look back on our friendship and what’s happened through the years, I see what my Mom has tried to tell me all this time. As I type this, I want to tell about specific situations, but what difference would it make now? My friend knows exactly how she has treated me over the years, how she also disrespected our friendship, how I was made fun or I was the butt of jokes. And even as I ended this friendship, deep down I hoped she would text or call me back, telling me she still wanted to be my friend and to please not end the friendship. That didn’t happen. Justifiably. She was hurt. Justifiably, this was meant to be the end.

It’s odd, but I feel a sense of relief. Much has been lifted off me. I feel renewed and a new outlook on life. I feel I can do anything. My life with my husband will continue on. We will continue on life’s path together. We will continue to work on ourselves and regain what is really important in life and in our relationship. We will make new friends. We will be happy! We will be ok. I will be ok!

                   

Project Runway Worthy?

This past winter, we were fortunate to get a few snows our way. Living in the south, we don’t see much of the white stuff. This one snow day, a lot fell. It brought people out all over the city building snow men in their yards and having snow ball fights. The family that lives across the street from me have a couple daughters, who were very creative in the fashion accessories they used for their snow man. Of course by the time I even thought about taking a photo of the snow man, he was looking quite misshapen and the snow was almost gone.

The snow man (or woman) is adorned with a Little Mermaid bucket for a hat and the handle is used for a chin strap. The eyes are gold Christmas tree ornaments. The scarf consists of gold and green tree garland. It's wearing a red sweater held on by a curtain rod and well, 2 green balls at the base. Not sure what those are for LOL Do I dare guess? Isn't it fun to see how creative kids can be?